


Yours

by sapphicalexandra



Series: Seelie Court Kiss AU [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e15 A Problem of Memory, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Past Alec Lightwood/Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-01 16:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11490627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicalexandra/pseuds/sapphicalexandra
Summary: "You taught me not to feel! You taught me that 'to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed'!"Will Jace ever get rid of his ''father'''s influence? At least Alec is there to comfort him in a moment of doubt after his confrontation with Valentine.





	Yours

**Author's Note:**

> 2x15 has aired a long while ago at this point, and I wrote this back then, but I needed to finish posting all of 'Your Deepest Desires' first to publish this one, so I hope you remember what happened in that episode (I mention it in the fic anyway).  
> It's really just a little one-shot, a little moment between Jace and Alec that would've fit in those events, but if things had gone like in my Seelie Court Kiss AU (it would've fit in canon too, just without the couple-y parts) you don't need necessarily to have read the other fic, but this would make more sense if you did.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy it! Angst and fluff, a perfect combination ;)

Valentine’s transfer to Alicante would take place in an hour, and Alec felt fretful. He knew, logically, that there was no reason why anything should go wrong...yet, a part of him couldn’t help but be doubtful.

That’s how he found himself making his way to the rooftop; the clear air above always helped him calm his nerves.

He didn’t notice the other presence, as he went to lean on the parapet. At an unexpected sound behind him, he jumped, turning around to see the smirking form of Jace slumped on the floor, leaning against the Institute’s wall. Alec felt a smile break out of him as well.

He already felt better. He couldn’t have asked for a more welcome distraction.

He made his way towards Jace. Embarrassingly, Alec felt himself _blush_.

This _thing_ between them was only two days old – or rather, two blissful, wonderful _nights_ old – and Alec couldn’t escape the images his brain conjured at the sight of Jace. He still had trouble believing any of that had been _real_ , and a part of him had already started to become anxious, thinking about if, or _when_ , it would all have to end. But if he kept fearing that, the times they were having _now_ would become gloomy and tainted, which was the last thing he wanted. This was _theirs_ , and he wouldn’t let anyone come between them, not even the Clave. 

Alec sat next to Jace, and, with no hesitation, he went to put his hand over the one Jace had on the floor, lacing their fingers together. And he let the bubbling, tingling feeling inside of him, that had _grown_ in him from the moment they had decided to give it a chance – a feeling that he could only categorize as pure, unabashed _happiness_ \- warm him. As he raised his gaze to the sky to mimic Jace’s pose, Alec had the moment of peace he had craved for.

“How did Valentine’s deruning go?” he asked softly.

“Well enough, considering,” was Jace’s reply. “I can’t pretend I didn’t enjoy doing it, though.” 

Alec snorted. He had no trouble believing it – Valentine did more than deserve it – but as he took in the strange note in Jace’s voice, he turned towards him. 

Jace had an uncharacteristically pensive, somber look on his face. The way his gaze was pointedly held upwards made Alec think he was purposefully avoiding looking him in the eyes.

Before Alec could inquire on it, Jace spoke again: “How did it go with Magnus? Did he accept the job?”

Jace _did_ turn to look him in the eyes then, but his expression was all concern now. Alec chose to indulge him for a while.

“Yeah, he did. He said he wanted to personally make sure the bastard was delivered to Idris.”

Jace nodded. “How…was he?”

Alec knew what he was asking, and he lowered his gaze to look at their joined hands. “Not…well. And I don’t mean just because of the break up, even though I _was_ surprised he didn’t mind seeing me. It’s that, he’s still dealing with what happened to him…with the body switch and all. I’m glad I could still be there for him.”

Jace lowered his head as well. “Alec, if you still want to be with hi–”

He looked up in surprise at having Alec’s thumb suddenly covering his mouth. “Don’t be ridiculous, Jace.” Alec removed his finger, but he was still holding Jace’s face in his hand. “I _do_ still care about Magnus, and I really think that, in time, we might be able to be good friends. But I have no doubt – _no_ part of me has any doubt that _you_ are the one for me. You’ve always been.”

Jace’s face softened, brightened, at Alec's smile. He took Alec’s hand in his and turned it around to kiss it. Alec kind of melted at that.

 _Angel_ , did he love Jace. Thinking that he now _had_ Jace, and could love him in all the ways he never thought he would get to do, made that bubbling feeling in his stomach turn into a small flame.

“I didn’t make that easy for you though, did I? I made you suffer for it,” Jace’s tone was morose, and Alec wasn’t having any of it.

“None of that was your fault, Jace.”

“Well, I mean, if I had just realized sooner, _seen_ you sooner…we wouldn’t be parabatai, and we wouldn’t be in this _situation_ now.”

Alec shook his head firmly. “Jace, I already told you, I wouldn’t give up being your parabatai for _anything_. Not even this.”

 “Really?” Jace was still hesitant, a hopeful note in his voice.

“ _Yes_. Ideally, I’d both get to love you and be your parabatai. But since it is how it is…this will always matter the most to me.”

“But–”

“We’re not having this conversation, Jace.”

Jace relented, smiling. For a moment, he looked like he wanted to kiss him, and Alec wanted him to. But he didn’t. Jace lowered his eyes instead.

“Now, will you tell me what is really bothering you?” Alec finally asked. “What did Valentine say?”

* * *

 

Jace laughed, half amused, half exasperated. “Am I that obvious?”

“Please, who do you think you’re talking to?” Alec smirked at him, before turning serious again. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

Jace _did_ know that. If there was anyone he could talk to, it would be Alec. That still didn’t make it any less hard to express the thoughts that had been gnawing at him since his conversation – if one could call it that – with Valentine.

Positioning their joined hands – that he still marveled at – on the floor again, Jace tried it anyway.

“It’s just – he told me how he took me from my mother’s womb after she died,” he felt Alec grip his hand harder, “and how she had feared she’d lose me, that’s why she asked Valentine to make me stronger. And I can’t stop thinking…if I was really that weak, maybe – maybe I should have never been born in the fir–”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

Jace raised his eyes. Alec’s expression was hard and uncompromising. He had expected that, but his own sense of defiance was strong as well. “Think about it, Alec! Wouldn’t it have been _better_ for everyone?”

“No! _Never_!”

Jace ignored him. “ _All_ that I have, Valentine has given to me! My powers, my skills, this place, this _family_ …all that I _am_.”

“Jace, look at me.” When he didn’t, Alec cupped his chin to turn his head towards him. “You are _not_ who you are because of Valentine, but _despite_  him. Do you _understand_?”

They were looking at each other intensely, unblinking. The fire in Alec's eyes was unavoidable; it was like he was trying to convey through his eyes alone all the good that he thought of him. It was harder than expected, staring right into them, yet Jace could see it all, the faith, the love, the devotion Alec had always had for him, that he still couldn’t quite think he deserved.

_You are not who you are because of Valentine, but despite him._

Jace couldn’t have wanted more than for that to be true, and for his mess of a self to have turned out good in the end. But Valentine’s manipulations had the tendency to come back to him and make him do things that were in no way _good_. He had just recently killed dozens of innocent people because of him! He _knew_ that Valentine’s shadow would never truly leave his side.

Yet, he wasn’t going to let him ruin his life more than he already had. Despite him, he would live on, even if just out of pure _spite_ ; _that_ he would concede to Alec. 

Thus, Jace chose to smile at his parabatai, nodding his head. The tension in Alec’s body eased, and Alec let him go.  

“You know, Valentine _did_ do one good thing for me,” Jace said. Alec arched an eyebrow. “He sent me _here_.”

Alec's eyes softened then, and something in Jace's heart sparkled. He felt the sudden need to be even closer to Alec, and he moved his body towards him. Their sides were now touching, and the contact tingled all through Jace. Since he had rediscovered Alec’s touch, and what it _caused_ in him, he hadn’t been able to stay too far away from him. He had _had_ to, to keep appearances around others, but he had hated every second of it. The unfairness, the impossibility to express his love for Alec as openly as he would’ve wanted to, had been like a finger scratch always on the same spot, all day, every day. He couldn’t dwell on it for too long, or it would drive him mad.

“If he hadn’t…" Jace went on, unable to mask the emotion in his voice, "I wouldn’t have found a real family, I wouldn’t have met _you_ , my parabatai.”

Jace solemnly believed that his _real_ life had started when he had come to New York. He had found the other _half_ of him there, by the Angel! The immensity of the _meaning_ of that occurrence wasn't lost on him, and Jace was getting choked up as a result. 

So, to lighten up the mood, Jace _booped_ Alec’s nose for emphasis, and he took immense pleasure in seeing a blush rise to Alec's cheeks. Alec was truly…adorable, when he was like this – open and vulnerable, none of the walls he put on for other people up – and Jace didn’t feel embarrassed thinking that in the least. Quite the opposite, actually. Alec was his (secret) _boyfriend_ , and he was loving every second of it. 

“Did you just...boop my nose?” Alec’s tone was positively scandalized. He sounded torn between being offended, amused or delighted.

“Yes.” Jace was still very much enjoying himself.

Alec relented to the hilarity of the situation, and he started laughing. He stopped abruptly when Jace leaned forward to touch their foreheads together, and his gaze turned  _intense._  Jace couldn’t help but think that Alec’s eyes were so large and bright up close, and that it would be a pleasure drowning in them.

“You,” Jace’s voice was raspy, as he whispered a breath away from Alec’s lips, “are the _one_ thing I chose all by myself. The one thing that Valentine had _no_ say in, that’s _mine_ and _only_ mine.”

A beat of silence.

“ _Yes_ , parabatai, I’m yours,” Alec whispered back.

Jace closed the distance, covering Alec’s mouth with his own.

Every new time Jace kissed Alec, it was like the very first time all over again. Except, with no audience, no impending doom, no rush, they were free to explore and savor every sensation to their hearts’ content. Their lips brushing together and their tongues grazing each other caused a sweet inebriation to come flowing through and between them in _waves_. They were breathing hard and holding each other closer in a matter of seconds, already lost in the moment. Alec put his hands on his hips, and Jace leaned gladly into the touch, going forward to straddle him. A position certainly convenient. They were now so tightly tangled together that one's pleasure was indistinguishable from the other's.

Jace felt then the need to open his eyes, to _look_ at the beloved face before him, whose eyes were closed in silent abandon. That sight, however, spurred an inexplicable, new anxiety to come crushing down on him. Alec must’ve felt his change in mood, because he immediately openened his eyes, worry embedded in his features. “What is it?”

Jace sighed. “He - he also said, when I reminded him of his _brilliant_ teachings, that my love for Clary will be my downfall. Of course, he doesn’t know the truth…but I can’t help but fear…” Jace moved the arms that he had wrapped around Alec’s neck to go hold the sides of his face instead. “If Valentine ever found out about _you_ , he’d _use_ you against me, or – or–”

“Jace.” Alec’s voice was soft, as were the hands that were soothingly massaging his back. “Valentine is a _prisoner_. He won’t be able to hurt you, or anybody else, for a long, long time. And even if he weren’t…I’ve always been your _parabatai_ , yet he has never shown any particular interest in me, has he?”

“For how much he ever valued his _own_ parabatai, I don’t think it means that much to him. I don’t think he _realizes_ how I’ve always needed _you_ the most, in all this time since he’s showed up again…but if he ever did, I - I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

Against his will, he was getting choked up at the thought alone.

“It won’t, we won’t _let_ it. We can’t be broken, remember?” 

Alec leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead, reassuredly, and Jace let him hug him. Burying his face against Alec's neck, he tried to calm himself down while surrounded by his parabatai’s familiar scent.

He’d kill anyone who dared come near Alec, he was sure of that.

Eventually, Jace grew tired of feeling sorry for himself. He was already breaking his resolve on not wanting _him_ to ruin his life,  and depressing himself over thoughts of Valentine would amount only to that. It had to _end now_.

He started kissing Alec’s neck. He had recently found out that Alec’s strategically placed _Deflect_ rune did _things_ to him, and he loved exploring the length of it, the texture of it, with his mouth, his tongue, his teeth... Alec’s reaction never disappointed. And as if on cue, Jace heard Alec moan, as he gripped his hips tighter, and Jace took advantage of it to rub his body languidly against Alec’s, making himself moan as well.

It must've spurred something in Alec, cause he impatiently turned Jace’s head towards his own to capture his lips, his tongue already seeking Jace’s. Jace appreciated the gesture very much, which he let him know by responding with equal eagerness.

“I thought no kissing in the Institute, Mr. Comprehensive Set of Rules?” Jace teased him, when he broke apart to catch his breath.

“Technically, we’re _on top_ of the Institute,” Alec shot back, a smirk in place.

“Oh, I see, exploiting technicalities now, are we?”

Alec huffed, and Jace felt giddy at having managed to get a rise out of him. Grumpy, Alec was amusing to handle.

( _Angel_...was he whipped for this man.)

“Have you _met_ me? That’s basically all I do. And I _am_ the biggest hypocrite.”

“Are you, now?”

“Yes. I _told_ you - for _you,_ I’d break every rule, every single one."

Jace had to kiss him harder at that.

“…Alec?” he murmured against his lips. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m yours, too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Something about feedback being better than very good sweets


End file.
